Cereal's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[GG - Inhaler Freestyle]

What an EPIC waste of money...and life.

It's not enough that we, the movie going public, are forced to put up with half of the crappy films "Epic Movie" attempts to parody, but we're also forced to contend with "Epic Movie" itself. In regards to this film, and all others like it, I find myself scratching my head and begging the question: "How in the Hell did this movie ever get made?" While I've yet to receive any official response from the filmmakers behind this atrocity, I have come up with my own theory...
Hollywood hates us. Wait, scratch that; Hollywood doesn't just hate us; they think we're stupid, insignificant creatures of habit, too. That we're nothing but a bunch of mindless apes willing to throw our hard-earned bananas down on any old piece of crap they manage to squeeze out that week. And it saddens me to acknowledge that to a large degree, they're right. We do throw our bananas down on just any old thing, as proved by "Epic Movie" being number one at the big B.O. opening weekend. How could we be so stupid as to fall for a film boasting a lame concept written by a bunch of comedic hacks who think "I'm Rick James B***h!" jokes are still relevant--let alone funny? I feel sorry for people like Kal Penn, Fred Willard, Jennifer Coolidge, and Crispin Glover who seem to have become so jaded with their careers that they could confuse accepting this cinematic skidmark on their resume as something remotely resembling a good idea. Especially in Penn's case, as he's on the verge of shattering the Kumar image most people still associate with him.

[The Insane Queer Posse]

Just completely awful.

. In retrospect, it...is still a horrible movie. I am still very shocked that I didn't walk out of it. The previews can lead people like myself on - I'm into any kind of humor, whether it be slapstick, vulgar, refined, immature, or just a cheesy movie. Epic Movie failed horribly at any of this, and didn't even make me smile. I think my favorite part, and the best parody was the Queen's MySpace, only because I have a strong dislike for that website, and it captured so many pages I've seen far too well... So anyway, it's a large disappointment, as the last Scary Movies/as Date Movie has been; looked funny from the outside, terrible when actually seen. The writers could have done better than to string poorly done, over-used, unfunny jokes together for a...SHORT film, may I call it! Fair enough if you're making a long movie, I can see it a little hard to make every joke good. But this wasn't even a long movie - and not even one joke was funny. Sheesh. Why didn't we trade our tickets.

[South Park Theme Song]

I can honestly say this is the worst movie I have

According to the commercials, this was going to be another one to add to my collection.....WRONG!!!! I was so disgusted. I kept waiting for a payoff, something, anything. It was so flat, even the actors seemed embarrassed. Obviously the studio was planning on hyping the movie knowing that the first weekend is all the movie was going to have. Yes, there were a few (and I do mean a few) funny parts, but this entire movie could have been condensed into a MadTV skit that would have been just perfect. I literally fell asleep during the movie. Now, how many people do you know that fall asleep during a "comedy"? I absolutely will not be attending another movie from these guys until after the first few weekends. I know if you were like me you would have to go see it for yourself and make your own determination, but please, I beg you, do not see this movie, do not buy or rent the DVD. If we support garbage like this, they will continue to rush out these terrible movies hoping that dopes like me will rush out on opening day to see them. We need to send a message. I know they made the entire investment back the first weekend, but good god almighty.

[Mystic Spaceship Part 2]

There is nothing Epic in this movie

I wasn't expecting much when I paid for my ticket to see this film, however this was the first time I actually considered leaving the theatre in the middle of a film because it was so bad. The main issue about this film is originality. This movie is merely a re-shoot of all the films it parodies with different actors. There is no originality in the script, the writers seemed to just bundle a whole heap of scripts of the movies they were parodying together and added childish slapstick bits here and there along with repetitive MTV references that never varied. This made the film boring. The main parody of the film is The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Those who have seen the film want to see a clever parody not to see every scene in the film re-enacted by terrible actors. If the movie had been any longer than 90 minutes I swear I could have shot myself. The film also recycles old jokes used in other terrible Friedman and Seltzerparodies. For example, Peter, Edward, Susan and Lucy are meant to be siblings and have the same parents yet are portrayed as a mix of black and white actors. This joke was used in the abysmal Date Movie, as the biological family consisted of a black father, Indian mother,and white and Chinese daughters. This joke was not funny in either of the films. Not Only does the film recycle old jokes from previous parodies but also recycles jokes within the movie, Jayma Mays kicking the beaver wasn't funny the first time, so why do it again.

[Anarchy in the UK]

Walked out after 30 Minutes

This movie was really really bad. Forgive the pun, but it was epically bad. I went to the movie to fill time between some business I was conducting in New York and my flight that was leaving at 7pm.. I had several hours to kill.
There are no good scenes in this movie. I think I laughed at one joke within the first 5 or 10 minutes. The plot (if you could actually say there was one) was so stupid that it borders on the criminal. Anyone (actor, writer, director, or producer) should be jailed for 1 year for participating in the production of this film. I would provide spoilers for this movie, but that would mean there is something worth spoiling. I actually felt embarrassed for the actors. I had to leave after 30 minutes. For the first 20 minutes I thought to myself.. "this just can't be.. a movie that looks like it was filmed using one camera in a decorated high school auditorium".. "there's got to be a joke somewhere".. but alas, at the 30th minute, I could no longer justify wasting my life. The movie just never happened.

[The Dude Is Dead]

Biggest pile of rubbish ever put on film!!!!

beating around the bush here, it was so bad it actually angered me that i paid to view this turkey and i wanted a refund, i felt cheated, the only reason i didn't cause a fuss at the cinema was the fact that something very funny happened...... a singing chant started in the audience (of about 12 people), and it went something like this, why are we watching, why are we watching, why are we watchinggggg this piece of CRAP!!!! I didn't have a clue what was going on, the 'script' was idiotic, the actors were totally lame and annoying and the jokes were pathetic and UNFUNNY, how this ever made it to the silver screen i'll never know.

[DBZ - Go Go Gogeta]

Epic failure

It's a shame to see films that promise to parody the formulaic and over-constructed nature of "epic" films, but fail, and subsequently conform to what is now the "spoof" genre. In parodying said films, they merely reconstruct the setting (poorly) i.e. Willy Wonka's chocolate river becomes poo. The references to pop culture are 1: over used 2: Poorly used 3: Irrelevant and not funny. It appears that the budget was spent on midgets and a dance choreographer (apparently it is funny when medieval knights, pirates, dwarfs and oompa loompas dance). The narrative is infantile and not remotely funny, no imagination could possibly enjoy the pure nonsense of the characterization. Parody films are meant to parody and this one fails to come even close to funny, it irreverence is pathetic, not hilarious and the writers...well, where to start with them.

[LL-Midterm Elections 06]

amazing

Not bad groundwork for a good game. The backgrounds were quite interesting, and the level designs weren't bad. The music and sound effects were good too.
With some improvement this game could be a lot better. The main problem I see is the detection and spawn death problem. I think I got a few cheap deaths when I clearly didn't touch an obstacle, and sometimes those flying guys would hit me right when I respawned, which was even worse. You need to trim down the detection area a bit for this.

[Bandits!]

you big silly

Definitely a different movie than what I've seen from you thus far. It had an interesting storyline and interesting graphics as well. The camera changes were good throughout. I liked this one. One thing you need to work on is graphical depth, especially when you are working with this traced style. Sometimes things looked a little short when they were on angles and such.

[Freezepop's JEM!]

A soothsayer for the heros of tommorow

You are a true martyr, with this flash you speak for a 1000 outcasts too down trotted to release their inner FAB, burned and torched by the oppression of society. No use hiding your feelings after this you silly goose , you and your big strong arms. You might as well go into your moms room and confess your love for her, you've broken the fourth wall, you have no limits no bounds to what you can do, what you will stride for is demigod status. This should be a sign to all fruity 13 year olds that all you need is camera and a little "magic" or just being an overconfident loser that sits alone at night fantasizing he has a girlfriend, you can't go wrong. Anyway, Whoever front paged this probably hopes this will catch on like numma numma, it has all the components. Basically anything that will make people feel better about their pathetic existence. I'm sure all the overweight pedophiles that lurk in the basement will find this funny (80% of ng). There will be two responses for this flash, the negative which will be annoying kids like this kid only a few years in the future, they'll be saddened that they didn't have the confidence to act FAB like this one cam. The other half which would be sweaty 40 year old man that get hard off of this. This ranks up there as one of the three most powerful flashes I have ever seen in my lifetime . This movie shows the brutal honest side of addiction and over-indulgence. Not just Freezepops, although it heavily shows drug addiction. Also shows how one addiction can lead to another and how damaging it can be for you. I watched this alone, and felt so stunned afterwards, I had to call a friend just to calm my nerves. Seriously, this is a brutal (one more time) BRUTAL film. The acting is wonderful - you are just wonderful in this flash, and you was such a shocker in a serious role. Everyone must watch it, for it's entertainment value, and more importantly, it's educational value. But it leaves chills down your spine for it's honesty and unforgiving lessons.I went to this movie hearing plenty of buzz about how graphic the content was. Over the course of the movie you see just how Viewtiful-Chris wants to send his message to the audience. The characters start off with somewhat mild addictions and then next thing you know the four main characters are living in hell. I couldn't believe how low they all fell. This movie may be the greatest anti-drug message of all time. I dare anybody to watch this and to not be touched and frightened by these characters. Before the movie started I noticed the audience was quite loud and garrulous, but as it ended and the credits rolled the whole place was stone cold silent. It was amazing. As a whole I felt the movie was excellent. The visuals were well done and the editing was outstanding. The actors really put themselves into their roles. . I can't believe an older woman would allow herself to be filmed like that. She has some serious guts. Hands down the best female performance I've watched this year, not even close. I was totally amazed by her.
All in all, I would say freezepops is a great movie. It had a profound impact on me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I watched it on opening night. I definitely recommend this movie to anyone. This is a movie everyone should see, but unfortunately not enough will.
Was the above comment useful to you? So little room, but thousands of possibilities, thousands of words that will never be heard. So to all of those silly buns like this kid, make a flash like this, or die out and all memory of you will be forgotten, it will be like you never lived.